Entry #11: Beginnings

Self portrait (buried under sweet poison), By Tiffany Holman, Watercolor

         There are so many things one can lend their time to. Education is such an important fraction of time, but can seem almost useless in in the grand scheme of someones existence here on this planet if it is not used wisely. 

         I began my educational journey in South Eastern Idaho, the town I was raised in and did not have an art community. So I made my own, unfortunately the majority of artists I spent my time with did not go to my school. As a result, I spent most of my primary education being as stealthy as possible and escaping those four walls that held the beginnings of what should have been my education. I didn't know what art really was at the time beyond the obvious painting, drawing, and sculpting. I just new that I didn't have a choice, I had to do it. Art found me, and I didn't have a choice, it became who I was unintentionally. My grades due to my lack of attendance suffered, and I could have cared less, it had no meaning to me. 

         When I graduated, after ending up being home schooled for most of my college education, I decided that I wanted to pursue art. I did not know how artists made money outside of selling in galleries, so I went to cosmetology school to hopefully fund my way through a "real" artist education. All of the things I knew about art, I had taught myself. Paul Mitchell, the trade school I was attending was not so lenient on their attendance policy. So after nearly being kicked out, I joined night school and found a group of students who understood me and cared about my art and I bloomed! 

         Now that I am back in school after years of adventuring and getting to know the world outside of my small hometown Sugar City, Idaho, I have a completely different perspective. I have learned that education in the U.S. is often forced upon kids in the most generic way that does not feed their dreams (in most cases, there are private and charter schools that hone in on the students talents), and that's what I needed the most. Now, that I have learned that it is alright to bend the rules of education, as you use them to benefit the person you want to be.

        I find that I love every class I have to take, even math, which most art students despise, because everything I learn betters my vault of knowledge that I incorporate into my trade. That is especially what this blog project has done for me. It has given me an outlet to experiment with my rhetoric to the fullest. Even in the posts that ask the student to analyze a specific concept, I find joy in the challenge of finding a creative way to make a correlation with art. 

         This blog part of the class, is one of the reasons I came back to Professor Neilson's class (other than him being a fantastic instructor). I loved being able to practice my rhetoric and enjoy the format of writing required of the students. I think that this portion of the class is very important to developing its whole. The fact that it keeps students writing almost every day, is hectic for some, but important in the grand scheme of learning to write. I learned more as a writer thanks to this blog project, and I hope that my readers learned a little from me.

Andrew Bird- Are You Serious? (If you have never heard of Andrew Bird, I feel bad for you)

Entry #10 Hello, darkness my old friend

         "Sirens" By Tiffany Holman, painted when I was 16 in, 2007. Acrylic 

                 
 Sometimes putting on an old record is like visiting a friend that you haven't seen in a long time. It's almost as if no time has past and your memories of everything floods back like it was just yesterday. Although you hadn't spoken a word between each other for quite some time, at the moment of meeting you can still remember every word that was said. There are always tracks on the album that take me to a different setting of memories that seem so clear you'd swear they were projected through a tv screen. All the laughs you shared and tears you cried, like a good ol' friend who was there to witness it all at some point in you life. Something about those sentimental songs never get old no matter how many times you listen to them, or in the case of that old friend, how many times you have to look at their goofy mug. 

           If you can't tell from reading any of these blog posts, music has been the catalyst of my life for some time now. Most of my friends are some sort of musician, or artists that adores music. I've spent some time traveling around, and of course met some people who I wish I'd get to see more of.  From New York to Washington state there are people sprinkled throughout the states that I love. 
           One of my all time go to artists in Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes. I learned about him around the time I was 13 (that's 14 years ago for me...) from a friend of mine, who is also a musician, named Gary Becker, in a band called PineBreaker.  He burnt me a copy of a Bright Eyes album called Fevers and Mirrors, and I was hooked. I went through many phases, from metal, to dabbling in techno, then rock, 90s rock, some folk, of course...ska, reggae,  you name it, I listen to it all. But Bright Eyes has always made its way on to my playlist no matter what my current music fix was. I eventually had the opportunity to meet Conor. He couldn't be a sweeter person, always trying to help his friends. I also did some work for him about two years ago, and designed a shirt for one of his many side projects called Dolores Diaz and The Stand By Club. In this band he and his wife are the lead singers and the rest of the group is made up of whoever is in town and wants to make music with friends. They have music on Soundcloud if you are interested. The first song on this post is from the Bright Eyes album At The Bottom of Everything. The second song is from the album Fevers and Mirrors. 
           The first art piece at the top was painted when I was 16. When I couldn't fall asleep at night I would imagine images leading into each other. A hand dragging back into the sea, that opens up, and soon you are swallowed up by it, the darkness turns into the night sky, the stars that sparkle begin to gently drift to the ground like snow. As the snow becomes a blanket on the ground, a pair of feet would walk across it, then you follow the feet, and so on... Until I would fall asleep! At some point the sirens and octopus tentacles appeared in my wakeful sleep and soon after became a painting. 
          The second work of art from the bottom Started with a Modest Mouse quote, from a song called The Devils Workday "I could buy myself a reason, I could sell myself a job, I can hang myself for treason, OH I AM MY OWN DAMN GOD" .After many nocturnal nights that would often end around 3 or 4 in the morning when I couldn't sleep, this little treasure was born. I was 18 when I drew this elaborate work on a brown paper wine bag with ball point pen. In between the main quote and all of the symbolic imagery is more tiny little lyrics covering every inch of this work. At the bottom of this post I shared a video of the Modest Mouse song it was designed from. 

"The Devils Workday" By Tiffany Holman, ball point pen on paper bag

Entry# 9 Scapegoat

                  

"Cold Moon" By Tiffany Holman, Acrylic

             Before ever taking a sociology class I had this grounded belief that I am responsible for every thing that happens to me, which is a very psychological humanistic approach. Even though there are varied stages that everyone begins at in life (ex: being born in a impoverished home vs. a wealthy one), I withheld the mindset that I could determine what happens in my future. In living this way, I took responsibility for the things I did, and gave others responsibility for their own actions instead of playing the blame game. For instance, if someone made me feel sad, I would not credit them with being a hurtful person, instead I would consider what it is within myself that allows me to feel that way. Because truthfully, I don't think anyone has mind control powers, and they can not make me do things inside my mind without my free will. It also helped me understand other people in many scenarios, like buying groceries. If the cashier was acting flustered or hostile towards me, I would take a moment to realize that this woman is not crazy and rude, but maybe she is having issues in her own life making her act this way because normally when people are relaxed and happy they aren't aggressive. If I was not intentionally trying to make her an angry person, I would not blame myself for possibly upsetting her. This way of thinking is important to me, because most of the time when people are on the offense, (If you are not actively trying to piss them off) it has nothing to do with whomever is on the receiving end of that persons tactless behavior. 
          In the world of sociology (which at first was a very difficult study for me to accept) the focus on a persons disposition is based off of their environmental factors. In this perspective of thinking, each individual does not really have that much control over the choices they make or who they are. Those decisions were made before you were even born, because even if someone was born into a something like poverty, they might not know the options they have for life or the financial ability to achieve the goals society expects from them. Although there are some exceptions that people like to use like Oprah Winfrey, who "made it". The reality is, that doesn't happen for most people who start off in impecunious beginnings. In a lot of ways, we are limited to our environment. Although I do agree that this line of thinking is true in sociology, I do believe we all do experience some free will in our decisions we make when we choose our outlook. 
           In our country this evidence is visible simply in the political stances people take. Coastal city people have generally a different perspective on politics from people in the Midwest (during the election season you can see which states go blue and which ones go red). The reason people vote this way is greatly effected by their environment and what they know (sociology). Those Ideals were decided before the people living in their states were even born, and as a result they grew into them. That is not much of a psychological choice at all. There are always exceptions, like myself, even being raised in a VERY conservative area in Idaho, that didn't stop me from finding every free spirited, closeted gay friend, or old liberal hippie in a 100 mile radius to make friends with. I don't know why I ended up on my own path instead of the one most of my peers are still on, but I did.
          To me, knowledge gives people more free will, you can't know what possibilities are out there until you really know your options. That is why it is important to think beyond just the perspectives you think you now are right. They might not even be your own, you might just be spewing what has been instilled in you from a very early age. Listen to other peoples stories, and think outside of your own head. We as humans have so much more to learn than the black and white categories of  liberal or conservative, red or blue, right or wrong, have to offer us.
          When I am looking at media I search for a blend of ideas. I want to see a person who is malleable and understands that we as humans on this planet still have so much more to learn! So when I see someone in our media ranting about how things should be just the way they want them I have to question what they really know. 
            These defense mechanisms as I have come to notice are throughout our media as well. It becomes noticeable especially when some people are so absolute that their opinions are shatterproof. We live in a world where even when someone says something, if there a reason for them to psychologically be unsure of the situation, they may act the complete opposite of what they really mean. Here is a list of some of the defense mechanisms that we have discussed in my psychology class. 

Entry #8: With a little help from my friends

             

Unclude, V.      Keeping things you don't appreciate out of your life.
Ex: I drank milk once in my life and it made me real sick, so for now on I will remember to unclude milk from my diet, like forever.
(this  from a dictionary called Imaginationally that is a compilation of made up words written by Michael Bernard Loggins.)
   





        There are somethings you can do by yourself but together with the help of some awesome people lies the possibility of truly creating something magical. Just the concept of welcoming and accepting another persons ideas is a hard concept for a lot of people. Especially when they are having to make a mental effort to actually coexist in most situations whether it is a group project for school, most jobs, one's neighbor, or political ideas. It's just hard to give up ones stance to compromise. Being an independent visual artist, I typically don't get to work with others too often unless I am working on a commission for someone. That is one of the many reasons musicians amaze me. They spend their careers living directly off of their ideas and passions, and even though that is such a personal concept they still manage to work together with different people. I have had many opportunities in my life to work for or around many different kinds of musicians. One of my favorite parts of their creative process is not only the end result, when they actually get preform, but the rehearsals that happen prior. There is this unspoken language they all share (no matter what genre), spoken mostly through body language and cues given through their instruments.

             
             Recently, I discovered a little gem of a group called The Uncluded. a group compromised of Kimya Dawson one of the lead vocalists from the duet The Moldy Peaches, a band that I learned about around the time independent films like Napoleon Dynamite and Juno came out and Matthias Bavitz aka Aesop Rock, an amazing rapper from Northport, New York. They both have their own distinct sounds and come from pretty different genres. I wouldn't have imagined such a unique combination of rap and quirky folk music to morph into a sound so lovely. Something they do have in common though is their deep and dynamic lyrics. The video at the bottom of this blog post is of the two of them describing what inspired the album they created in detail. In this album they go over something we all have to deal with, death. Both of these individuals have experienced death and written about it in their own music, but share how even if one is are around other people the individual still has to go through the grieving process on their own. They both come from different musical backgrounds and come together to sing some seemingly lighthearted songs about a very heavy topic.   

 

"Oh maker, you life taker" By Tiffany Holman (Acrylic and collage)

         Here is another art piece of mine that I created based around this idea of life and death. I had a stretch of time where I felt the impact of how fragile this life really is. The reaper is holding his looming hands over a clock with the time a was born on it. I wanted to make something that reflected the journey one takes and had how important the little actions we make in our lives have on this world, good or bad.

Entry #7: #<-----Waffle fry?

Radiohead "Present Tense" from the album Moon Shaped Pool. IF YOU HAVE NEVER LISTENED TO THIS FULL ALBUM, DO IT NOW.  

   For some people on this planet the hashtag is as normal to them as green on a turtle. On the other hand, some of us on this planet had to make a transition into this digital world all at random moments in our lives when the opportunity to learn presented itself. It has been a big change for people born in the early 90's and the years that preceded. For the latter group of humans, the world we once new would never be the same. I guess that is how the story goes for every generation, but technology seems to have advance the evolution of our species into hyper speed. 
      In the Summer of 2013 I bought my first smartphone, it wasn't until months later when I learned about Instagram that hashtags surfaced into my reality at the ripe age of 22... Even at that time I didn't really grasp the value of the hashtag. I kind of took it as a new trend that people "did" like today's dabbing, I just knew that  people would say things like "HASHTAG bacon" when they were jazzed about things like bacon... 
      Nowadays I have grown into welcoming the hashtag as I have learn to utilize its capabilities in my own life and business. Not only do I get to #art and link to a world of people doing art or are interested in the subject, I have found a new way to open myself up to a whole new world of art and media by looking into what other people have hash-tagged.
       This feature in technology has just made this world even smaller now that we can be connected to anyone around the globe simply by putting a waffle fry(aka hashtag) right before the word or words of interest.
       I don't know of any songs off the top of my head that reference hashtags, but I did add a song from my favorite Radiohead album Moon Shaped Pool, which has some digital-esque qualities to it.

This painting I did in acrylic also doesn't really reference hashtags... But it does give a feeling of fractured space and time, which is an essence that I get from the digital world, "Glitched".

     
       

Extra Credit: Money

Look how adorable Paul McCartney from The Beatles is...

"Out of college, money spent
See no future, pay no rent
All the money's gone, nowhere to go
Any job, I got the sack
Monday morning, turning back
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go
But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
Oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go"

         Capitalism, monarchy, communism, they are all very distinguishable forms of government that all seemed to be centered around and elite. But at what point does one shift to a society where the wealthy 1% doesn't control the majority of the worlds assets? In the movie "Capitalism, A Love Story" Micheal More seeks to unveil some of these truths about our current form of government. 
         This movie was very entertaining and somewhat painful to watch the same time because it hits so many truthful aspects about our society. One of these issues he confronted that really hit home for me was the interview he had with the pilots. This is a huge issue that many people with an education are facing. Many who go to universities are some how allowed to let 18 year old humans take out thousands of dollars in student loans, but in the same time in their lives are not even able to take out a $5,000 loan for a car without a certain amount of credit history. How does it make sense to allow an 18 year old to take out a $20,000 and often greater loan from a university before one even has the chance to establish any financial stability for themselves... Some who continue on to a doctorates end up with $100,000 in debt. As we saw in the movie about capitalism, even those who work in their degree often don't even make an income over $50,000 some around $30,000. This is not the case for everyone, but I have met several in this exact same position, personally. Something needs to change nationally in this country.
           There are many countries that have came up with wonderful solutions to this problem such as Germany, so I wonder what the hold up is here in the United States. I fear that the issue has a lot to do with money as this movie addressed. 

Entry #6 Unda pressa

"Silver Lining", Tiffany Holman, Oil

        About a week ago I was taking a yoga class here on campus. The room held just a handful of students in with our yoga mats laid out like staggered notes on a staff. The instructor here on campus has the most adorable European (German, I think?) accent, colorful laugh, and twist of sarcasm. We began our class with a little discussion about stress. She told us a story that evening about the early yogi's and how different their purpose was. They used yoga as a tool to experiment with the breath, just as a wood wind musician would, Except in this case your body would be the instrument (I Don't know if that metaphor makes a whole lot of sense). Nowadays There are many different variations of yoga ranging from Buddhist monks to people on Instagram. 
       While on our topic about stress, I shared a little bit about what we had been talking about in my psychology class that week. Stress can do a lot of horrible things to your body (heart attack, autoimmune diseases, and the inability to fight off illnesses for example ). Many studies have been done on it, but one really stuck with me was an experiment they did on rats...It was pretty inhuman... But interesting. They had three rats in individual cages that were a tight little cylinder shape so they could only move back and forth. One rat was the control subject (let's call him rat C), so nothing happened to him except that he was in the same environmental situation and had the same amount of food as the other two. A little bell would go off periodically and when that happened, the other two (rat A and B)  would receive an electric shock 10 seconds after the bell would ring. The two rats that were being shocked had one small difference between their cages. One rat (rat A) had the ability to push a little button with its nose that would stop the shock and if it happened to do so then rat B would not get shocked either. So they received the same amount of shocks. The only difference in their two scenarios was that rat A had the ability to do something about it's situation. Rat B on the other hand had no choice in what happened to it. After the experiment they decapitated and dissected the rats and looked at their stomachs. They found over several case studies of this experiment that rat B with no control over the situation had over twice the amount of ulcers in its stomach every time. They had no environmental differences except that psychological one. The fact that one was hopeless in its situation and the other could do something.  
          They related it this back to humans and how we process stress. Our cortisol levels don't jump up when we do activities such as running. They do when you enter a stage of fight or flight mode, in order to affect your adrenaline levels like if you were being chased by a bear. Although stress can be harmful to our bodies, it has withstood time and human evolution. We don't experience the same kind of stress our ancestors did though. We didn't have to hunt for our food in the woods or deal with the same environmental situations that our elders did. Today it takes its form in prolonged states, and in many social situations. But what this study of the rats has taught us all about stress is that it is much more harmful to our bodies depending on our psychological states. Whether or not the person burdened by the anxieties of day to day believes that they have the ability to change things vs someone who believes that they are hopeless in stressful situations. For example, someone who gets promoted at work. One can become stressed realizing the more responsibilities and time they are going to have to put in or, someone can take it as an opportunity for growth and do new things. 
           Life has a wonderful way of taking hold of a person and turning them upside down. The unexpected can send ones cortisol levels through ozone. Stress effects all of us deeply and in many different ways. But it's important to remember, no matter what, whether you are chronically ill or are dealing with a hectic life, you do have a choice to change things. Even if it's just the way you perceive the situation. We live in a world with endless possibilities. "Save up your hopes friends"(Listener).


Attached is another song by the band Listener. This song got me through the election season and after.

The art at the top is a painting I did about a year ago about this topic. The concept of it is to symbolize being swept away in chaos and up to her neck in it (the red) and the figure reaching for that "Silver Lining". The fish are there because I was going through a fish phase and decided to have them flying through the air.